How to Resolve a Conflict Professionally

I don't know about you, but I hate conflict.  I hate dealing with the ickiness of stress and emotion and tension.  I prefer to avoid it at all costs.  That's not realistic; however, especially because I'm human and I work with humans.  For those of you who deal with computers on a daily basis--I'm sorry, I have no computer conflict resolution skills.

ACTIVE LISTENING

   1. Repeat back what you heard the person say in your own words

   2. Ask—is that correct?

   3. Listen for additional information

   4. Repeat Steps 1-3

    

   Active listening is practice that allows the other person to feel heard, it keeps the conversation from escalating in speed and ferocity, and it allows you to overcome linguistic difficulties.  

Try it on your significant other next time you're in a conflict--it's awesome!

VALIDATION

Use FEEL, FELT, FOUND

 “I can understand why you FEEL that way, many of our clients have FELT that way too!  What they have FOUND is…”

The FEEL portion of the statement tells the person that you are listening, FELT normalizes the emotion, and FOUND creates a bridge to alignment and resolution.

Try this one with a dissatisfied client over the market value of their home objection.  It works wonders!

  ALIGNMENT

  Before providing a response, ask yourself:

  1. Is this something that I CAN fix?

  2. Is this something that I SHOULD fix?

  3. Is there a third way to proceed?

  During the alignment, use Active Listening and Validation  to create alignment.

This step is a personal check--is this a problem that you can solve or is it a problem to which there is no resolution you can effect?  Is this a conflict that you should be allocating resources to fix--can you move this problem on to a better equipped person like a manager or a mentor?  Finally, is there solution to the conflict that is neither what the person is asking for, nor you proposed solution?

  PERSONAL GROWTH

  After a conflict, reflect:

  1. Am I having a stress reaction?

  2. Have I internalized this conflict?

  3. How can I learn from this conflict?

The Personal Growth section is an important step--are you reacting out of scale to the conflict?  Are you noticing that you're personalizing this conflict and internalizing it?  Finally, what can you learn and how can